Last week, news of the school shooting in Tumbler Ridge, BC arrived like a cold wave. Maybe your eight-year-old asked at bedtime, "Mom, could someone bring a gun to my school?" Or your teenager went silent, retreating to their room with their phone, scrolling through things you can't unsee for them.
When your child brings you their fear about school shootings, you're standing in that impossible space between protecting their innocence and being honest about a world that sometimes feels too hard to explain. There's no script that makes this easy. But there are ways to respond that help your child feel safer, more connected, and more capable of holding hard truths without being overwhelmed by them.
What to Say When They Ask
The right words depend entirely on your child's age and what they already know. Start by asking, "What have you heard about what happened?" This tells you where to begin.
For Young Children (Ages 5-8)
What helps:
"Something very sad happened at a school far away. A person made a very bad choice and hurt people. The grown-ups are working hard to keep everyone safe. Your school has safety plans, and the teachers practice what to do, just like we practice fire drills."
Keep it brief. Answer their questions simply. Then watch for their cues. If they want to go play, let them. Play is how young children process hard things.
What doesn't help:
Graphic details. Statistics. Saying "it could never happen here" (they'll sense the uncertainty in your voice).
For Tweens (Ages 9-12)
What helps:
Acknowledge what they've heard. "Yes, there was a shooting at a school in BC. It's okay to feel scared or sad about that." Validate feelings first, then offer context. "Let's talk about what your school does to keep you safe."
This age group benefits from some sense of control. Discussing lockdown procedures and trusted adults at school can help. But keep the focus on what's working, not worst-case scenarios.
What doesn't help:
Minimizing with "Don't worry about it" or "You're being dramatic." Lecturing about statistics when they're feeling afraid.
For Teens (Ages 13+)
What helps:
Start with curiosity. "I know you've probably seen a lot online. What are you hearing? How are you feeling about it?" Then listen more than you talk. Teens often need space to process out loud before they're ready for reassurance.
Acknowledge the complexity. "I hate that you're growing up in a world where this is something we have to talk about. It's not fair, and it makes sense that you're angry or scared."
Discuss what they can control: their own emotional regulation, who they talk to when afraid, how much news and social media they consume. Offer your presence without forcing it. "I'm here if you want to talk more."
What doesn't help:
Dismissing their social media concerns. Forcing optimism when they're not ready for it. Trying to fix their feelings instead of witnessing them.
When Anxiety Feels Bigger Than Normal Worry
Sometimes a child's response tells you this has touched something deeper. Watch for signs that anxiety is moving beyond normal concern:
- Sleep disruption or new nightmares
- Separation anxiety that wasn't there before
- Physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches)
- Repetitive questions or checking behaviors
- School avoidance or refusal
Withdrawal, irritability, or sudden emotional outbursts
If these signs persist for more than a week or two, your child's nervous system may need extra support. Child counselling in Calgary and teen counselling offer safe spaces where professionals can help your child process what feels overwhelming.
You might say: "I notice you've been having a hard time since we talked about what happened. Sometimes talking to someone outside the family helps our brains process big, scary things. Would you be open to meeting with a counsellor?"
Taking Care of Your Own Nervous System
You can't regulate your child's nervous system if yours is in overdrive. And right now, yours probably is. You're carrying your own fear about their safety, your own grief about the world they're inheriting.
It's okay to let your child know you have feelings too. "I'm feeling sad about what happened. It makes me want to hold you close."
This models healthy emotional expression. But process your deeper fears with other adults, not your child.
Some things that help:
Limit your own news consumption
Talk to another adult (partner, friend, therapist)
Practice grounding (hand on heart, feet on floor, slow breathing)
Move your body—anxiety lives there
If your own anxiety is making it hard to be present for your child, parent support counselling in Calgary can help you hold what feels too heavy to carry alone.
Five Practices You Can Use Today
1. Create a "Worry Time" Ritual
Set aside 10 minutes before bed where worries are welcome. When time's up: "We've talked about worries. Now we're putting them away for the night." This teaches children that worries have a place, but they don't run the whole show.
2. The Hand-on-Heart Practice
When your child is anxious, sit close. Put your hand on your own heart. Invite them to do the same. Breathe slowly together. "This helps our brain know we're safe right now." You're using your calm nervous system to help regulate theirs.
3. The "Three Safes" Check-In
"Can you name three things that keep you safe at school?" This might include locked doors, caring teachers, friends, practiced lockdown procedures. This reinforces that safety measures exist without making it about fear.
4. The "Feelings Thermometer"
Rate worry on a scale of 1 to 10. When it's high, ask: "What would help bring it down just one number?" This gives children agency over their own emotional regulation.
5. Limit Media, Increase Connection
For young children, turn off news coverage entirely. For teens, don't ban social media, but do co-watch and discuss. Then balance that with real connection: a walk together, making dinner, playing a game. Presence is the antidote to digital overwhelm.
Your Presence Matters More Than Perfect Words
There is no perfect script. Your child doesn't need you to have all the answers. They need you to be willing to sit with them in the hard questions. They need to see that difficult feelings can be held without being destroyed by them. They need to know they're not alone.
Children are remarkably resilient when they feel seen and safe in their relationship with you. This is an opportunity to teach them that hard things can be faced together. That anxiety doesn't have to be carried in isolation. That even when the world feels scary, connection makes us stronger.
You don't have to do this perfectly. You just have to keep showing up.
When You Need More Support
If your child's anxiety feels overwhelming, or if you're struggling to navigate these conversations while managing your own fear, our team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre offers compassionate, trauma-informed support for children, teens, and parents in Calgary and across Alberta.
(403) 230-2959
Book a free 15-minute consultation
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my child needs therapy after hearing about a school shooting?
Watch for persistent anxiety lasting more than two weeks, including sleep disruption, school avoidance, new separation anxiety, physical symptoms like stomachaches, or repetitive worrying. If your child's daily functioning is impaired or they can't be reassured despite your support, professional counselling can help. At Eckert Centre, we offer child and teen counselling specifically for anxiety and trauma processing.
What age should I start talking to kids about school shootings?
Follow your child's lead. If they ask questions or show awareness (from school, friends, or overheard conversations), address it at their developmental level regardless of age. Young children (5-8) need very brief, simple reassurance. Tweens (9-12) can handle more context about safety plans. Teens benefit from honest conversations that acknowledge complexity. You don't need to introduce the topic if they haven't encountered it yet.
How do I help my anxious child feel safe at school in Calgary?
Focus on what's working: discuss their school's safety procedures, identify trusted adults they can go to, practice calming strategies together (like the hand-on-heart technique), maintain consistent routines, and limit exposure to news coverage. If anxiety persists, child counselling can teach additional coping skills and help process underlying fears.
What if my teen won't talk to me about their fears?
Offer presence without forcing conversation. Try: "I'm here if you want to talk about what happened in BC" and then give space. Sometimes teens process better through action—suggest a walk, driving together, or doing an activity side-by-side. If they prefer talking to someone else, respect that. Offering access to teen counselling shows you take their feelings seriously while honoring their growing independence.
Are school lockdown drills traumatic for children?
When conducted appropriately with age-appropriate language and calm adult presence, lockdown drills build competence rather than fear. They become traumatic when delivered with excessive fear-based messaging or when children already have anxiety or trauma histories. If your child shows increased anxiety after drills, talk to their teacher about how they're presented, and consider counselling to help your child feel more in control.
How much news coverage should I let my child see about school shootings?
For children under 10, minimize or eliminate exposure entirely—they don't need those images. For tweens, brief age-appropriate news discussions are okay, but avoid repetitive coverage. For teens, you can't control everything they see online, but you can co-watch, discuss, and set boundaries around doomscrolling. Balance news exposure with connection time that reminds them the world also contains safety, beauty, and care.
About the Author
Michael Szabo, MACP, Registered Provisional Psychologist
Eckert Psychology & Education Centre, Calgary, AB
Michael Szabo is a Registered Provisional Psychologist specializing in trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults, teens, and families in Calgary and across Alberta. With expertise in autism, ADHD, and complex trauma, Michael helps clients build appreciation for their unique brain styles and inherent worth. His compassionate approach creates a safe space for exploring difficult experiences, including anxiety, fear, and trauma responses in children and parents navigating challenging world events.
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Talking to children about violence: Tips for parents and teachers. https://www.apa.org/topics/violence/children
National Association of School Psychologists. (2024). Talking to children about violence: Tips for parents and teachers. https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-podcasts/school-safety-and-crisis/school-violence-resources/talking-to-children-about-violence-tips-for-parents-and-teachers
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional psychological care.
