Bully Proofing Your Child Day 8

Welcome to Day 8 of Bully-Proofing Your Child. This week’s topic is helping your child resolve conflict.

Take a moment to think about the last time you faced conflict. Reflect on how you handled yourself. Would you change anything? Could you have avoided the situation altogether? It’s important to look at your own conflict resolution style, because children often learn how to handle conflict by watching their parents. As much as we’d like our children to avoid conflict, they inevitably face it—often learning valuable lessons about asserting themselves and navigating bumpy situations along the way. Think of yourself as your child’s “first mate,” supporting them—the “captain”—as they sail through rough waters.

Six Steps to Navigating Conflict

Krazier (2007) suggests these six steps when helping your child through conflict:

• Focus on the solution.
• Define the conflict.
• Brainstorm solutions together.
• Recognize the feelings involved.
• Map out how to react to those involved.
• Choose and implement a solution.

You can practice these steps the next time you catch your child and a sibling or friend in an argument. Call a “freeze moment,” then have both children share what they think the conflict is and how they’d like to solve it.

Conflict with a Bully

Resolving conflict with a bully is a bit different. Krazier (2007) recommends six tactics your child can use to reclaim their power in a bullying situation:

1. Agree with the bully. This takes away the bully’s power.
2. Give “permission” to keep it up. A lighthearted response (such as thanking the bully) can show you don’t care about their insult.
3. Counter with an appropriate remark. This demonstrates you’re not intimidated.
4. Stare down. Bullies often stare to intimidate; staring back can minimize their power.
5. Shrug it off. Use “whatever” body language to show you’re not bothered.
6. Draw attention to the bully. Loudly and confidently saying “Get away from me!” can stop the bully in their tracks.

Role-playing these approaches with your child helps them practice different ways to keep bullies at bay.

Looking Ahead

Stay tuned for Day 9, where we’ll focus on the importance of being a good friend.

Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at info@eckert-psychology.com for more information. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.

Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services for children and youth, parent support counselling, and counselling service for adults with developmental delays. Kymberley is an EMDR-Child Specialist whose practice is Theraplay informed. Kymberley is further trained in attachment-based counselling for children and parents, trauma, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Kymberley’s passion is working with children and those that love them. She believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.

References:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.