Welcome to Day 7 of Bully-Proofing Your Child. This week’s topic focuses on cultivating assertiveness in your child—an area many people find challenging. We often ask ourselves: “How do I express my thoughts without being aggressive?” or “How can I build my confidence, so no one pushes me around?” My hope is that today’s discussion helps you guide your child toward assertive behavior rather than aggression, giving them the courage to stand up for themselves and others.
What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness involves respectful, appropriate behaviors used to directly communicate one’s feelings, needs, or opinions without threatening or manipulating others (Krazier, 2007).
Three Main Tenets of Assertiveness
1. Ability to Say No
Children need to understand it’s okay to decline sometimes.
2. Making Their Own Choices
Encourage them to clearly state their preferences instead of saying, “I don’t care.”
3. Asking for What They Want
Help your child realize people aren’t mind readers. It’s acceptable to ask a parent, teacher, or friend for what they need or want—at an appropriate time, without interrupting.
Role-playing scenarios that feature these three tenets can help your child respond assertively in real life. When you notice your child being assertive, point it out and ask how it felt different from acting either aggressively or passively. It also helps to discuss the outcomes of each approach. Remind your child that if problems persist after they’ve tried standing up for themselves, seeking help from a safe adult is always encouraged.
Signs Your Child Is Operating in the Assertive Zone
- Speaks up for themselves
- Persists if their question or concern is not addressed
- Shares willingly
- Makes eye contact and uses appropriate body language when communicating
Signs Your Child Is Leaning into the Aggressive Zone
- Becomes physical with another child
- Shows impulsive or chronic hitting/kicking
- Demonstrates intimidating behaviors
- Exhibits cruelty to animals
Signs Your Child May Be in the Passive Zone
- Appears uncomfortable in groups
- Seems disengaged overall
- Lacks self-confidence
- Struggles to stand up for themselves
Looking Ahead
Stay tuned for Day 8, where we’ll focus on strategies for resolving conflict.
Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at info@eckert-psychology.com for more information. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.
Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services for children and youth, parent support counselling, and counselling service for adults with developmental delays. Kymberley is an EMDR-Child Specialist whose practice is Theraplay informed. Kymberley is further trained in attachment-based counselling for children and parents, trauma, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Kymberley’s passion is working with children and those that love them. She believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.
References:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.
