Bully Proofing Your Child Day 5

Welcome to Day 5 of Bully-Proofing Your Child. This week’s focus is on helping your child communicate like they really mean it. Communication is often described as the most important factor in resolving problems, and for good reason. However, there’s a difference between communication and effective communication. Have you ever felt like no matter what you say, you just can’t get your point across? Think of communication as a puzzle—if any vital piece is missing, the message won’t be complete.

Krazier (2007) breaks this communication puzzle into five essential parts:

• Choice of words
• Voice
• Facial expressions
• Body language
• Context

Effective communication happens when all these pieces fit together.

Verbal Communication

Verbal communication includes choice of words and voice.

1. Choice of Words

Selecting the right words is the first step in saying what we really mean. Clear, direct language helps avoid confusion. Children often struggle here because they may not always have the vocabulary or clarity to express themselves precisely.

2. Voice

Matching your tone, pitch, and volume to the words you choose is equally important. As children (and many adults) can remember, being told “Don’t use that tone with me!” usually catches us by surprise—we may not even realize how our voice affects our message.

To help your child develop effective verbal communication, role-play. Practice saying a simple statement, like “Do the dishes,” using various tones and word choices. For example:

• “Do the dishes!” in a stern tone can feel demanding.
• “Please do the dishes,” with a gentle tone is more welcoming and yields more positive responses.

Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication consists of facial expressions and body language.

• Bullies often use intimidating eye contact, stand over others, or use aggressive gestures.
• Targets tend to avoid eye contact, keep their heads down, hunch their shoulders, and appear withdrawn.

You can help your child unlearn any negative body language by once again using role-play. Have them try different ways of standing, speaking, and making eye contact, then discuss how each stance and expression makes them feel and how it might make others feel.

Putting the Puzzle Together

The next step is integrating your child’s verbal and nonverbal communication. This may take time and additional practice, but aligning words with body language and facial expressions ensures clearer, more genuine communication.

Context

Finally, we come to context, which involves two factors: attitude and timing. Even if a child master’s the other four pieces, their message can be misunderstood if it’s delivered at the wrong time or in an unhelpful manner. Encourage your child to consider whether the person they’re speaking to is ready and willing to listen. If not, they may need to wait for a more suitable moment—or seek adult support to ensure their message is heard.

Looking Ahead

Happy puzzling! Stay tuned for Day 6, where we’ll explore strategies for helping children recognize and interpret social cues.

Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at

info@eckert-psychology.com for more information. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.

Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services for children and youth, parent support counselling, and counselling service for adults with developmental delays. Kymberley is an EMDR-Child Specialist whose practice is Theraplay informed. Kymberley is further trained in attachment-based counselling for children and parents, trauma, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Kymberley’s passion is working with children and those that love them. She believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.

References:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.
Siegel, D. J., & Payne Bryson, T. (2019). The Yes Brain: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. New York, NY: Bantam Books.