Welcome to Day 3 of Bully-Proofing Your Child. Initially, this material was meant to be part of Day 2, but there was simply too much valuable information to fit into one article. As a result, what was once a 10-day series has now become an 11-day series! In this segment, we’ll explore actions you can take if you discover your child is displaying bullying behaviors.

Discovering that your child is bullying someone can be distressing for any caring parent. We all want to believe we’re raising our children to be compassionate and considerate, so hearing they’ve been aggressive toward another child can be shocking. Instead of reacting defensively or angrily, it’s best to give yourself some time to process your emotions, then have a calm, constructive conversation with your child.

Krazier (2007) suggests the following steps if you learn your child is engaging in bully behavior:

  1. Confront your child’s behavior in a calm and safe manner. Explain what you’ve learned in a straightforward way.
  2. Listen first; avoid placing blame. Ask “What happened?” rather than “Why did you do this?” You want your child to feel they can open up, rather than become more defensive.
  3. Make it clear that bullying is unacceptable—anywhere. Deliver the message that aggression or cruelty toward others will not be tolerated.
  4. If your child doesn’t see their actions as bullying, review the different types of bully behaviors (refer to Day 1).
  5. Outline clear consequences for bullying and follow through if it happens again.
  6. If your child’s bullying stems from frustration or anger, teach replacement behaviors that allow them to express emotions in a healthy, controlled way. Children’s brains are still developing, so they often need extra support to build emotional intelligence.
  7. Be ready to listen whenever your child is prepared to talk. Understanding the thoughts and feelings behind the bullying is key to helping them learn new skills and stop the harmful behavior.

Remember that children’s behavior—whether positive or negative—is a primary way they communicate their needs, emotions, and experiences. Sometimes, taking a step back to ask, “What are they telling me?” and “What do they need?” can offer valuable insight into how to intervene and guide them.

Looking Ahead

Stay tuned for Day 4, where we’ll discuss ways to cultivate empathy and understanding in your child.

Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at info@eckert-psychology.com for more information. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.

Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services for children and youth, parent support counselling, and counselling service for adults with developmental delays. Kymberley is an EMDR-Child Specialist whose practice is Theraplay informed. Kymberley is further trained in attachment-based counselling for children and parents, trauma, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Kymberley’s passion is working with children and those that love them. She believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.

Reference:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.

Kymberley Calhoun

Kymberley Calhoun

Registered Psychologist

Contact Me