Day 1: Bully-Proofing Your Child
Welcome to Day 1 of Bully Proofing Your Child! Today, we’ll explore what bullying is (and isn’t) and discuss the common characteristics of both bullies and targets.
Understanding Bullying
Many people assume bullying is just a “normal” part of childhood. However, this thinking can minimize the real harm children experience when they are targeted. In truth, bullying is not normal. Bullying is classified as a social phenomenon and is grouped under the child abuse category—even if the perpetrator is another child.
Bullying generally falls into four main categories:
1.Physical
Often associated with boys; involves hitting, pushing, shoving, kicking, pinching, destroying property, tripping, spitting, and other forms of physical aggression.
2.Verbal
Common in middle school; includes teasing, name-calling, making fun of others, gossiping, bossiness, taunting, shouting, cursing, and similar behaviors.
3.Relational
Subtle and often hard to detect, making it challenging for a child to report. Adults can mistakenly side with the bully if that child is seen as a “good kid.” Once the bully establishes power, a mere glare can produce the intended fear or humiliation. Examples include peer pressure, threats, gossip, belittling, harassment, pranks, exclusion, setting others up to get in trouble, damaging friendships, and more.
4. Cyber
This form of bullying involves any kind of online abuse. It’s crucial for parents to remember that bullying doesn’t necessarily stop once a child gets home, as it can continue through digital platforms.
Characteristics of Bullies
The nature vs. nurture debate often arises when discussing bullies. In reality, children are not born bullies; they learn this behavior over time. Children who bully may lack empathy, struggle with respecting others, and in some cases, have been targets themselves. Factors beyond a child’s control—such as challenging life circumstances—can contribute to bullying behaviors since much of bullying revolves around power and control.
Poor social skills and limited awareness of social norms can increase the likelihood of bullying among younger children. However, children with strong social skills can also become bullies if they decide to use their interpersonal abilities to exert power over others.
Krazier (2007) identifies three specific types of bullies:
- Swaggering Bully
Proud of their actions and often uses physical forms of aggression.
- Socially Awkward Bully
Struggles to understand why peers withdraw and is easily provoked.
- Social Bully
Typically, girls who use their social influence to manipulate relationships.
Characteristics of Targets
If a child appears vulnerable, they can be singled out as a target. While it’s never the target’s fault, certain traits can place children at higher risk:
- Having few friends and spending time alone (lacking a “protective circle”)
- Being physically smaller, weaker, or otherwise perceived as “different”
- Exhibiting anxiety, caution, sensitivity, or unassertiveness; crying easily
- Demonstrating low self-esteem or low self-concept, feeling “stupid” or “different”
A negative cycle can form if a child’s low self-concept leads to more bullying, further decreasing their self-worth. Adult intervention is crucial in breaking this cycle.
Working Together to Stop Bullying
Parents, teachers, and mental health professionals—like those at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre in Calgary, Alberta—all have a role to play in teaching children the difference between right and wrong. We should encourage curiosity instead of judgment, and assertiveness rather than aggression or passivity. Developing empathy skills is vital, and we must be mindful of how our own actions model behavior for children.
Remember: monkey see, monkey do—our children often emulate what they observe in us.
Looking Ahead
Stay tuned for Day 2, where you’ll learn what steps to take if you suspect your child is bullying others or being targeted.
Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at info@eckert-psychology.com for more information or call 403-230-2959 and our reception team will help you book your appointment. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.
Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services to children 12 and under, and parent support counselling. Kymberley is trained in EMDR, attachment-based counselling for children and parents, DBT, Trauma, and ACT. Kymberley’s passion is working with children, and she believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.
Reference:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.
