At some point in life, we’ve all been wronged—hurt by words, betrayed by actions, or let down by someone we trusted. The choice to forgive is never easy. Sometimes, it doesn’t even cross our minds; other times, we wrestle with whether to extend it or withhold it. Yet, in the ebb and flow of relationships, there are also moments when we find ourselves on the other side—needing forgiveness, hoping for grace. And perhaps the most difficult of all is learning to forgive ourselves. No matter which side we stand on, forgiveness is a journey—one that challenges our hearts but also has the power to set us free.
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It is not excusing the wrong, minimizing the pain, or forgetting what happened. Instead, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve it.
Forgiveness is also a choice—one that carries both costs and benefits. Holding onto unforgiveness can feel empowering, especially when we’ve been previously disempowered. It may feel like we are reclaiming control, keeping justice in our own hands. But while there may be short-term comfort in that feeling, research shows the long-term consequences of unforgiveness can be harmful to both mental and physical health. Studies have linked chronic unforgiveness to increased stress levels, elevated cortisol, and a higher risk of cardiovascular disease (Worthington et al., 2005; Toussaint et al., 2015).
The Intersection of Jesus’ Call to Forgiveness, Free Will, and Mental Health
Jesus’ teachings emphasize the importance of forgiveness. In Colossians 3:13 (NIV), we are reminded, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness, as taught by Jesus, requires patience, humility, and a heart willing to extend grace—just as Christ has done for us.
At the same time, God grants us free will. We are not forced to forgive—we are invited to. And this invitation is grounded not only in spiritual truth but also in psychological wisdom. Research shows that forgiveness contributes to emotional healing, lower anxiety, and improved overall well-being. However, choosing forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or pretending the hurt never happened. It means facing the pain with courage and allowing healing to take place, even when it feels unfair that the emotional labor of healing falls on the one who was harmed.
The Mental and Physiological Impact of Unforgiveness
A growing body of research supports the idea that unforgiveness takes a significant toll on the body and mind. A study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that individuals who held onto resentment had higher cortisol levels (the stress hormone), increased blood pressure, and were at greater risk for cardiovascular issues (Worthington et al., 2005).
Unforgiveness is also linked to symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress (Toussaint et al., 2015). Dr. Everett Worthington, one of the most respected researchers in the field, found that forgiveness therapy significantly reduces stress and promotes improved mental health (Worthington & Scherer, 2004). Additionally, forgiveness has been linked to improved immune function and lower levels of inflammation—two key factors in physical wellness (Seawell, Toussaint, & Cheadle, 2014).
Forgiveness as a Form of Altruism and Its Benefits
Forgiveness can also be viewed through the lens of altruism—freely choosing to release someone from their emotional debt, even when they haven’t earned it. This act of grace aligns with the science of kindness and compassion. Research suggests that when we engage in altruistic acts like forgiveness, our brains release serotonin and oxytocin, which are linked to greater feelings of happiness and emotional connection.
One study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that individuals who practiced forgiveness and other altruistic behaviors reported higher life satisfaction and lower stress levels (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, & Schkade, 2005). This mirrors the wisdom of Proverbs 11:25 (NIV): “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” By extending forgiveness, we not only release others—we refresh ourselves.
Why Choose Eckert Centre
At Eckert Centre, we honour the deep emotional and spiritual work that forgiveness often requires. Our experienced team of psychologists, including those with a Christian worldview, is here to walk alongside you as you navigate the complexities of pain, resentment, and grace.
Whether you're working through a betrayal, struggling to forgive yourself, or seeking freedom from the past, we provide compassionate, research-informed support in a safe and respectful environment. Our team integrates faith-based counselling with evidence-based therapies, so your healing journey can be rooted in both truth and transformation.
How We Can Help
We support individuals who are:
· Wrestling with resentment, betrayal, or moral injury
· Struggling to forgive themselves or others
· Navigating the impact of trauma on mental health
· Looking for therapy that respects and integrates their Christian faith
· Seeking practical, science-based tools to move toward healing
We offer in-person counselling for Calgary, Airdrie, and Cochrane in our NW location, as well as secure online sessions for clients across Alberta. Our welcoming office is thoughtfully designed to help your nervous system relax and feel safe.
Schedule a Consultation Today
You don’t have to carry the burden of unforgiveness alone. Whether you’re ready to begin your healing journey or want to explore your options, we’re here to help.
Call us: 403-230-2959
Visit our website: www.eckertcentre.com
Book online: Book a Consultation
Email us: info@eckert-psychology.com
Let’s take that next step toward emotional and spiritual freedom—together.
References
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 111–131.
Seawell, A. H., Toussaint, L. L., & Cheadle, A. C. D. (2014). Prospective associations between unforgiveness and physical health: A review and conceptual model. Journal of Health Psychology, 19(4), 407–421.
Toussaint, L., Shields, G. S., Dorn, G., & Slavich, G. M. (2015). Effects of lifetime stress exposure on mental and physical health in young adulthood: How forgiveness helps. Journal of Health Psychology, 20(5), 543–553.
Worthington, E. L., & Scherer, M. (2004). Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience: Theory, review, and hypotheses. Psychology & Health, 19(3), 385–405.
Worthington, E. L., Witvliet, C. V., Pietrini, P., & Miller, A. J. (2005). Forgiveness, health, and well-being: A review of evidence for emotional versus decisional forgiveness, dispositional forgiveness, and reduced unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 30(4), 291–302.
