Bully Proofing Your Child Day 9

Welcome to Day 9 of Bully-Proofing Your Child. This week’s topic focuses on friendship—specifically, how to be a good friend.

Children often think “the more friends, the merrier,” but that’s not always true. Some place great importance on having a large circle of friends, which can lead to various social struggles. Friendships are wonderful, but the key is recognizing what constitutes a healthy friendship. This understanding helps your child decide whether to remain friends with someone. To start, it’s useful to talk with your child about what they believe makes a good friend. You can also discuss the skills involved in making and maintaining friendships.

Ten Friendship Skills (Plus Two More)

Krazier (2007) identifies ten core friendship skills:

1. Maintain a positive attitude.
2. Be accountable and stay true to your word. Pinky promises aren’t meant to be broken.
3. Know when to hold your tongue. Think before speaking.
4. Show interest and participate in conversations.
5. Avoid rumors or gossip.
6. Share leadership and be assertive.
7. Assume good intentions. A true friend doesn’t aim to cause harm.
8. “Let it go,” as Elsa said. Don’t hang on to past mistakes—friends can learn and grow.
9. Maintain peace. Avoid pitting friends against one another.
10. Actively listen. Listen to understand, not just to respond.

To these nine, I’m adding two more important skills: conflict resolution and boundaries. Learning to resolve conflicts calmly and assertively is essential in friendships (refer to our previous discussion on conflict resolution). Setting and respecting boundaries is equally crucial. Help your child figure out what they value, recognize when a friend crosses a boundary, and know how to respond. This can be explored through play or role-play. When your child opens up about friendship challenges, it’s usually best not to say, “Give it time, it’ll blow over,” or “Are you sure you’re not overreacting?” Instead, practice curiosity, empathize with their feelings, and validate their experience. Only then will they be open to hearing your suggestions or advice.

Look for opportunities in everyday life to role-play these 12 friendship skills. Given how often children face friendship challenges, there should be plenty of chances to talk and practice.

Looking Ahead

Stay tuned for Day 10, where we’ll focus on the importance of online safety.

Are you worried you child is engaging in bully type behaviour and don’t know how to prevent it? Are you concerned your child has become a target? Are you wanting to enhance your child’s ability to be assertive and stand up for themselves, or learn how to be assertive without being aggressive? If so, the team at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre is here to guide you and your child on your journey towards assertiveness. Book your initial intake appointment today at www.eckertcentre.com and click the “Book an Appointment” button. You can also email us at info@eckert-psychology.com for more information. Remember, psychology services are covered by most extended health insurance plans.

Kymberley is a Registered Psychologist at Eckert Psychology & Education Centre. In her role, Kymberley provides counseling services for children and youth, parent support counselling, and counselling service for adults with developmental delays. Kymberley is an EMDR-Child Specialist whose practice is Theraplay informed. Kymberley is further trained in attachment-based counselling for children and parents, trauma, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Kymberley’s passion is working with children and those that love them. She believes in their incredible capacity to be resilient when life asks difficult things from them.

References:
Krazier, S. (2007). 10 Days to a Bully-Proof Child: The Proven Program to Build Confidence and Stop Bullies for Good. New York, NY: Marlowe & Company.